Here’s the photo prompt for #Friday Fictioneers courtesy of Madison Woods. Thanks Madison, for starting and continuing this wonderful writing prompt. Please visit her site and check out all the other Friday Fictioneers. Here’s my 100 word take on the photo:
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I can hear the man-child, pacing outside the entry, hesitant. The dark tunnel frightens him. His dulled senses reawaken to give a primal warning.
He ignores the hind brain, moves forward, entering my abode.
Arrogant human.
I sniff the air as he approaches. The spicy tang of fear rolls across my olfactory gland, I slaver, anticipating his adrenaline spiked taste…
A woman approaches the counter at the Police Department. “My son’s missing. He didn’t come home from school today.”
The deputy looks up. “He’s probably just off playing ma’am, but go ahead and fill out this form…”
Very very sinister. I loved the idea of the primal warning from the hind brain. Excellent.
http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/a-place-to-die-for-friday-fictioneers-13-april-2012/
Dark and pulled me in. I don’t want that boy to step inside! Great job.
Mine: http://www.banterwithbeth.blogspot.com/
. . . adrenaline spiked taste. Wow!
I liked the way you split the story into two POV’s. Good job.
–Jan
http://janmorrill.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/1571/
Gave me chills. Here’s mine: http://furiousfictions.com.
One word: CREEPY! Poor kid! Poor mom!
Here’s mine: http://postcardfiction.com/2012/04/13/the-incident/
I loved the POV of whatever is in the tunnel. Awesome.
I liked the build up at the beginning and the sense of anticipation. Good job.
Thanks for commenting on mine.
Siobhan
Very primal and very scary little tale. It was a very fun read.
Well done!! I want the rest of the story!
http://swthink.blogspot.com/2012/04/michael.html
“Adrenaline spiked taste.” Best line I’ve heard in a while. Really sells the the story, which was a good (and evil) one. Well done.
Aloha,
Doug
http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/bermuda-triangle-summer/
from a writing perspective, i don’t like the split POV. however, the important part is that i don’t have to write it. the important part is the reading perspective, which is that i want to read more. so please find about 300 hours this weekend to write the rest of the story. i’ll set my alarm for monday morning. have it on my desk. thanks!
Split POV’s are a love/hate relationship. I usually have the opposite reaction. I love writing them, hate reading them. Great comments, I’m still laughing, 300 hrs….
you’re wasting time. that’s 27 words spent here that could’ve been spent on the thing in the place of things.
i’m glad you’re laughing.
“Adrenaline spiked taste.” I may have liked this line but for what it meant to the predator in the tunnel. My heart goes out to the poor mother; it seemed the predator relished all that he was anticipating, the child’s flesh. Och!
‘The spicy tang of fear’, fine choice oif words and apt metaphors. I admire your creativity, but I’m afraid, the storyline is too much for me.
Here is mine: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/flash-fiction-story-eloped/
Fine metaphors and choice of words, though I find the storyline a bit ghoulish, the predator’s anticipation of eating the child’s flesh with relish was a bit too much for me.
Here is mine: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/flash-fiction-story-eloped/
Creepy! The dark tunnel fairy tale from another perspective. How else could you write this but with a split POV; it makes the story.
Loved it. Very dark and the two points of view act are beautifully balanced between the otherworldly and the mundane.
And yours could be written from the angle of the “hungry thing” in the tunnel…nice complement to mine. ha! I enjoyed this!
~Susan (http://www.susanwenzel.com/)
Interesting take on the prompt. First written in the POV of the salivating predator. Too creepy and scary. Then the deputy’s aloof attitude toward the poor mother. So true in today’s world. Well. written. here’s mine:
http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
Really scary little twist or scene change at the end. We know what happened without being told.
Nicely executed. The cut away to the police department leaves a chilling effect.
Here’s mine: http://wp.me/p1Tjpv-a5
I really liked the voice of this, and how it was all very outsider; the action is implied. The intellectuality added to its interest for me. Well done.
http://littlewonder2.wordpress.com/2012/04/12/friday-fictioneers-halfway-bridge/
The mind of the monster in the tunnel – well done, it gave me the creeps. Then the switch of scene confirmed, he did indeed go into the tunnel. Poor mom has no idea…
Eeek! Frightening, but written in just the right progression. I love the triple perspective we get — boy, animal, mother. Beautiful.
Mine’s here this week: http://thecolorlime.wordpress.com/2012/04/14/dead-97/
How sad! I don’t think he will be coming home….That gland is the Jacobson’s organ! Such a great use of the prompt and story. Enjoyed it!
http://susielindau.com/2012/04/13/high-hopes-150-word-flash-fiction/
Oh dear, I feel this isn’t going to end happily! I loved the two perspectives and the anticipation you clearly convey in the first half. My only tiny comment would be about the word(s) “Man-child”. It quickly signals the non-human nature of your narrator, but it’s one of those things that jars with me. If a protagonist is eloquent enough to use English in the rest of his sentences, why doesn’t he say “boy”. And in this story, I think you could leave revealing his creature-ness to the single sentence “Arrogant human” which I loved.
I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/friday-fiction-the-tunnel/
Oooohhh good job!! Very nice, on the predator’s view.
Here’s mine http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/something-watches/
Ack! Evil creatures and small children gone missing. Horribly effective combination.
Thanks for commenting on mine!
I think there’s something more than just a monster in that tunnel and I don’t think I want to meet it. I’ll know better once my goosebumps settle down!
Loved it! Especially “The spicy tang of fear rolls across” — awesome! I was extremely impressed that you managed to fit two completely different scenes into the 100 words. Good job!
Oh that’s much more scary than mine, LOL! In only 100 words you definitely built a lot of tension. Very nice.
It wasn’t scary till the last sentence… nice writing.
http://tedstrutz.com/2012/04/14/100-words-flash-friday-fictioneers-the-underpass/
What manner of dark being lurks within? Some otherworldly entity, or nothing more than a malevolent man, out of touch with his own race? Intriguing, chilling and very well written