teschoenborn

Posted in Friday Fictioneer, Writing | Tagged bend, darkness, fear, frozen, path, Poem, Poetry, waiting | 26 Comments

26 Responses

1. on June 15, 2012 at 6:47 am | Reply unspywriter

   I like the way you extended the last sentence; it really built up the dread about what’s around the bend. Mine’s prose, but in a similar tone: http://unspywriter.wordpress.com/friday-fictioneers/the-atheists-wish/

   
   
   • on June 15, 2012 at 10:39 pm | Reply teschoenborn

     Thanks, that was my intent.

     
     
2. on June 15, 2012 at 8:10 am | Reply raina

   well crafted!

   http://writersclubkl.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/friday-fictioneers-do-not-follow-me-home/

   
   
3. on June 15, 2012 at 9:21 am | Reply theforgottenwife

   I love the way you did the last sentence. Definitely menace and fear there. Almost made me want to pull the covers over my head! Mine is here: http://theforgottenwife.com/2012/06/15/friday-fictioneers-6152012-the-watcher/

   
   
   • on June 15, 2012 at 10:45 pm | Reply teschoenborn

     Glad to hear I was able to instill a sense of dread. Thanks for the comments.

     
     
4. on June 15, 2012 at 9:34 am | Reply readinpleasure

   Ominous verse finely written. Mine is here and linked: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/fridayfictioneers-sacrilege/

   
   
5. on June 15, 2012 at 10:12 am | Reply Melody Pearson

   Very nice. I like the shape of it. The single word lines really slow you down and make it seem more sinister. I wish I felt confident enough to do poetry. Here’s mine for this week: http://melodypearson.com/june-15-2012-the-trails-beginning/

   
   
   • on June 15, 2012 at 10:49 pm | Reply teschoenborn

     I didn’t set out to do poetry. My muse just ended up taking me that way. Thanks for the kind comments.

     
     
6. on June 15, 2012 at 10:51 am | Reply Kathy McClure

   There’s a song in there — dark and deep. Oooo — yeah, just shivered.

   Kathy
   http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/breadcrumbs/

   
   
   • on June 15, 2012 at 10:49 pm | Reply teschoenborn

     Oh wow! Thank you so much.

     
     
7. on June 15, 2012 at 11:46 am | Reply Brian Benoit

   I liked how the shape of the verse is like a narrowing path, and like unspy said, the speeding up of the last sentence and repetition there give you the sense of moving quickly — more quickly than you might like — to that pinch point, the bend, beyond which lies….well who knows!

   Brian (http://pinionpost.com/2012/06/15/arrival-in-sharesh-an-ill-omen/

   
   
   • on June 15, 2012 at 10:53 pm | Reply teschoenborn

     Thank you Brian. I don’t sway poetic often, and it doesn’t come naturally to me.

     
     
8. on June 15, 2012 at 1:05 pm | Reply Janet

   I agree with above comments. The way you organized the last sentence really stretched out the dread. Good work. Here’s mine: http://postcardfiction.com/2012/06/15/follow/

   
   
9. on June 15, 2012 at 1:09 pm | Reply VSichalwe

   I really enjoyed the way you mild the suspense there, I am super curious to know what happens or what has happen or what is going, very nice thank you so much for sharing.

   http://vsichalwe.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/friday-fictioneers-2/

   
   
10. on June 15, 2012 at 1:59 pm | Reply erinleary

    Simple, but powerful. I like it!

    Mine is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/06/14/flash-friday-fiction-5/

    
    
11. on June 15, 2012 at 4:10 pm | Reply WriteForACause.Org

    Clever! Nice choice of words. Here’s mine http://writeforacause.org/2012/06/15/friday-fictioneers-one-road-two-souls/

    
    
12. on June 15, 2012 at 5:44 pm | Reply rich

    why not get closer to the 100 words? these are good. more will be better.

    
    
13. on June 15, 2012 at 10:49 pm | Reply Lady Marilyn Kay Dennis

    What happens next? Does he, or doesn’t he? Suspense! Mine’s here: http://marilynkaydennis.wordpress.com/2012/06/15/madison-woods-friday-fictioneers-witch

    
    
14. on June 16, 2012 at 2:11 am | Reply rochellewisoff

    ooooh…always around the bend. Tell me more.
    http://www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/06/mothers-gift.html

    
    
15. on June 16, 2012 at 8:14 am | Reply Charles Oyeleke Williams

    a unique poem here…
    https://seewilliams.wordpress.com/2012/06/16/the-experience-fridayfictioneers/

    
    
16. on June 16, 2012 at 8:53 am | Reply Kwadwo

    Ominously beautiful.

    My flash fiction: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/15/six-oclock/

    
    
17. on June 16, 2012 at 5:53 pm | Reply JKBradley

    Heart racing, knowing what awaits, will this time be different??

    http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/2012/06/14/flash-fiction-friday-letting-go/

    
    
18. on June 16, 2012 at 11:15 pm | Reply Lora

    Yikes..!! What’s waiting around the bend? Don’t leave us in suspense? Here’s mine http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

    
    
19. on June 18, 2012 at 8:32 am | Reply Michael Fishman

    This was a good poem with just the right amount of dread and horror. I don’t know if it was intentional or not, but this is a concrete poem as the layout of the words forms the image of one of those dark trees.

    
    
20. on June 18, 2012 at 2:49 pm | Reply mpax (@mpax1)

    Very nice. I can see you writing a whole novel based on those first lines.

    
    
21. on June 19, 2012 at 5:39 am | Reply loustar02

    Fantastic writing. I love the style – enhances the build up of fear. Nice.